Bernard slobbering over the shallots at Whole Foods?
To prepare for the session, I concocted a harrowing backstory: When I was six, I fell into a pond and almost drowned.“Maybe something in reptile.” I shuffled Augustus from one hand to the other as though he were a Slinky.“I’m sorry, Ma’am, I have a thing against snakes, so let me get someone else to assist you,” he said, as if he were telling the host at a dinner party, “No dessert for me, thank you.”A colleague appeared. One thing led to another, and, notwithstanding some moments in history that dogs and cats would probably not want to bring up (like the time Pope Gregory IX declared cats to be the Devil incarnate), pets have gradually become cherished members of our families.According to “Citizen Canine,” a book by David Grimm, sixty-seven per cent of households in America have a cat or a dog (compared with forty-three per cent who have children), and eighty-three per cent of pet owners refer to themselves as their animal’s “mom” or “dad.” Seventy per cent celebrate the pet’s birthday.I told her no dogs allowed but she lied that hers was a service dog.” I called the owner of Altesi, Paolo Alavian, who defended Trump. is defined by the government as an untrained companion of any species that provides solace to someone with a disability, such as anxiety or depression. I decided to go undercover as a person with an anxiety disorder (not a stretch) and run around town with five un-cuddly, non-nurturing animals for which I obtained E. You should know that I am not in the habit of breaking (I mean, exploiting) the law, and, as far as animals go, I like them_—_medium rare. “Let me get someone.”“Oh, my God,” I heard one guard say to another. She has registered her pet with the Emotional Support Animal Registration of America. The Frick does not admit children younger than ten, but evidently the rule does not apply to turtles, because the man gestured welcomingly, and the turtle and I went and had a look at the Vermeers.“Big for seven, isn’t he? On her inaugural visit to Manhattan, Turtle and I also made stops at Christian Louboutin, where she cozied up to a glittery ,395 stiletto, and I, trying to snap a photo, was told, “Turtles are allowed, but no photography”; E. T., the high-end delicatessen, where I had a bowl of borscht and the turtle hydrated from, and also in, a dish of water provided by our waiter; NK Hair Salon, where a manicurist agreed to give Turtle a pedicure for an upcoming bar mitzvah (“You’ll have to hold her toes down under the dryer”); Maison du Chocolat; and the Frank E.“She walked into the restaurant and she showed the emotional-support card,” he said. The rights of anyone who has such an animal are laid out in two laws. The first animal I test-drove was a fifteen-pound, thirteen-inch turtle. badge (purchased on Amazon), and set off for the Frick Collection.“One, please,” I said to the woman selling tickets, who appeared not to notice the reptile writhing in my arms, even though people in line were taking photos of us with their cell phones. This letter further supports her pet as an ESA, which entitles her to the rights and benefits legitimized by the Fair Housing Act and the Rehabilitation Act of 1973. Campbell Funeral Chapel, to inquire whether I could pre-pay for the turtle’s burial.